Seriously, I messed this one up myself, instead of expressing myself I put distance between us. I didn’t answer or text back, because I wanted to prove a point that was never put into place. I didn’t understand what becoming distant could lead to….. complete silence. I tried to fix it, but by the time I understood that this person played a key part in my life it was to late. I hate when people say “It’s never too late”, in some situations it might not be, but in most of my cases those words only hold truth when it comes to God.
And it’s the little things that I miss the annoying phone calls, the late night and early morning texts, sharing laughs about things that should have held no humor, the telling of secrets that we knew that we will take to the grave for each other, and so much more. I didn’t know that missing just one person on a earth full of people could hurt so much, maybe it’s because you are not dead, you don’t live that far away, and your number is still saved in my phone. Seems like an easy fix, I could just send a text or call, but it’s not that easy because I know that it wouldn’t be the same. I could try to replace you however, you are one of a kind. Some people only come in your life for a season or at least that is what I’ve heard, but you were a lifetime and I pushed you away. It’s called self-sabotage and I am really good at that.
But, I would rather cry without tears, think about you before I go to bed, eat KFC over Popeyes, act like you never existed, act like my heart doesn’t feel like it’s going to jump out of my chest every time my phone goes off, eat the world’s hottest pepper, hell I would rather go skydiving without a parachute, then to let you know how much I miss you.